As you all know it’s the day before Valentine’s Day. This means that all things Valentines’s Day are in full swing. (As if Wal-Mart didn’t start right after Christmas… )
I myself am not single… I’m married. My husband says he has something planned for the weekend after Valentine’s Day (and my birthday), but I have no idea what that plan is… which is scary. (Lol!)
I know there are many people who dread Valentine’s Day, because they’re single or they find it overrated. I am one of those people who find it to be a bit overrated and cliche. Nevertheless, it is still a good time to recognize those you love with intentionality.
But, what do you do if you’re single on Valentine’s Day? What do you do if you’re single and feeling left out? What do you do if you’re single and it’s been years?
I decided that I would go to a “professional single lady” to get some answers.
Stevie has literally been single for life (18 years). Okay, so she maybe had an “elementary boyfriend”, but does that really count? I didn’t think so.
The cool thing is that she is single by choice. She decided that she wouldn’t date until she was 15, however this spilled over into continuing to be single. It’s not that she doesn’t “want” a relationship, but she is waiting for God’s timing…which is a good lesson in itself.
Here are the questions I asked Stevie:
Why did you decide to be single?
Honestly, my decision to be single originally stemmed from fear. Fear of a broken heart, fear of losing friendships, etc. and I didn’t understand the point of getting into a relationship just to get your heart broken. But, the older I got, the more I think God might have given me that fear intentionally. I know it sounds crazy, but I’ll explain when I answer the next question.
Originally, I was only aiming to stay single until I was fifteen. Because by that time, I’d be mature, I’d be ready, and I’d be less awkward. But, when I actually turned fifteen I was a little more mature, a little less ready and a lot more awkward. So, I decided to stay single until I was at least eighteen, but this time I made the decision for a different reason. Being single for my younger teenage years, I had seen my Christian friends get into relationships and pour all of their attention and focus into that relationship, giving this person everything that they could, and putting their personal relationship with God on the back burner, only to see it fail and be left with self-doubt, a broken self-esteem, and a hurting spirit. I was fourteen when I remember first starting to step into who God wanted me to be, so I feel like God gave me those fears and concerns to keep me from making the same decisions that my friends had. I would rather wait for eighteen years (and counting) than lose my personal relationship with God.
Have you ever wished you were in a relationship?
Who me? No, never. Just kidding. I get hit with serious feels anytime I watch a chick-flick. I think every single person gets into places where they wish they were in a relationship and that “the one” would just hurry and get their act together. I’ve definitely been there but, I try to remind myself that it’ll happen in God’s timing and God usually (and by usually I mean always) knows what He’s doing.
How do you feel when Valentine’s Day rolls around?
Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a never ending chick-flick and it might send me to one of those places I talked about in my previous answer. But, then I remember that chocolate will be half priced for a few days afterward, so that’s cool. In all seriousness though, Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to show love to the people you care about in the world, so overall it’s a pretty okay day.
How do you embrace being single?
I remind myself that “I’m a strong, independent young woman and I don’t need no man.” Lol. Kidding. Being single isn’t bad at all when you spend less of your time waiting for “the one” and more of your time relentlessly pursuing a closer relationship with the Father. I kind of feel like we’ve started looking at being single as a disease. But really, I feel like your single years can be just as great as your years spent in a relationship, if you use them the right way.
Are there any Bible verses you cling to when you feel left out of the relationship realm?
Yeah! In the times that I’m feeling less than content in my singleness and start trying to wish myself into a relationship, Jeremiah 29:11 is a constant reminder that God has a plan and His plan is always better than my own. Also check out Song of Solomon 3:5!
Advice for “all the single ladies”… (and the guys):
I would probably say to make sure that you don’t waste your single years feeling like your life doesn’t start until you meet “the one”, God can use you no matter what season you’re in! Definitely don’t try to push yourself into relationships prematurely. That will never lead anywhere good. If God gave you the desire to be married and have a family, I wholeheartedly believe that He will be faithful to fulfill those desires when the time is right and you’re both ready! Spend the time between now and then preparing to be the kind of life partner you’d want to have. If you have a list of qualities you want in a spouse, chances are that your future husband or wife will want most of the same qualities. So while it’s awesome to pray for your future spouse to be who you need, make sure to be praying that God will make you into who your future spouse needs you to be in order to accomplish the things that God has for you both as individuals and as a couple.
I know Valentine’s Day can be a crummy Holiday, especially if you aren’t in a relationship. But, just because you aren’t “in a relationship” doesn’t mean you can’t go hang out with a group of your friends.
Call those single friends and make some plans for Valentine’s Day or spend it hanging out with your First Love… Jesus.
Take this time and embrace being single. I know you may be thinking “it’s easy for you to say… you’re married.” But trust me, there were times when I was single, times I wasn’t but should’ve been, and times I wish I would have embraced being single more.
Really Valentine’s Day is just another day, so don’t let it bring you down and make you feel like you are less than those who have relationships. Because Jesus thinks the world of you and He would rather you have a solid relationship with Him than any earthly relationship.
p.s. If you are in a relationship, that’s great too. This is nothing to bash relationships, because obviously I’m married… I would like to encourage you as well, to first find love with Jesus and make sure to give encouragement to those who feel unloved.
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19
I pray that you will understand the power of love and recognize it is Jesus who loved you first.